sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
