I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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