Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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