____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
either way he was missing a nipple.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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