So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
