Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
