If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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