So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
