Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
only you would photoshop your dick
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
