to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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