I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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