I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My bed smells like the plague
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
