dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
