I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize