I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
