first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
