We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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