It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
