Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
