my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize