you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
