Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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