oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize