im drinking this country out of the recession.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
