Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
