we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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