fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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