Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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