Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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