Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
