he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Randomize
