i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize