Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize