Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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