where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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