No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
