A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
