your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
