For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
