how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
