I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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