How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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