umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
