this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
