He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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