Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
