theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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