i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
