I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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