dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize