Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
