John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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