so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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