dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
