Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
