Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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