Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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