he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
