For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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