I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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