why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize