Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
