my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
