Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
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