He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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