I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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