so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
