A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
