Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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