it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
